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Taylor Swift has denied reports of collaboration with public arch rival Kanye (currently known as “Ye”) West. We spoke to Matt Koehl, head of the American Nazi Party and spokesperson for Ye (formerly known as Kayne West). “The artist whose name is in fluctuation would not lower himself to be sullied by the impure blood of Taylor Swift. All rumors to the contrary are the work of Zionist propagandists like Shut Yer Pie Hole!” 

However, there are signs that the two mega-stars are in negotiation to merge their empires. Most notably, Taylor Swift’s upcoming album, “I’m Goin’ Out West, Can Ye Come With Me?” offers hints of the upcoming deal, with such song titles as:

We are Never Ever Getting Back Together Outside of a Four Album Contract; Who’s Afraid of Little Old Ye?; and I will Produce an Album with Ye.

The idea of a Swift/Westye collaboration has shocked Swift fans (“Swifters”). “I am shocked,” says Marta Walsh, a 57-year old fan who drags her 11 year-old granddaughter to Swift shows as a cover. “Unless she does it, in which case I am excited.” Quoting Taylor Swift, she added,”Bad, bad boy, shiny toy with a price.”

Ye, wearing his signature “I Hate Black People” shirt, was clear: “I’m so fast, people call me ‘swift.’ I was the best basket player in the world in eighth grade. I’m the Miles Davis of basketball. My awesomeness is the best, because I’m the nucleus of awesome. And I’m gonna need a ‘taylor” if my socks need mending. I have won more Grammys than all the other musicians named Ye in the world combined, that’s just my ‘gevity, it’s long. I’m basically Steve Jobs but better at basketball.”

Here’s what to expect this blockbuster season.

Fresh off Disney-Pixar-Chick-fil-A’s success with Reservoir Hogs, Apocalypse Sow is a new animated family classic, a faithful remake of the Francis Ford Coppola film, Apocalypse Now done with animated pigs. An AI-generated hog will reprise Brando’s original role. Sooie! 

In ChatGTP-Meta-X’s new musical, Pana Mamma Mia, an independent hotelier in Panama, played by Usha Vance, hires a ragtag group of Proud Boys turned Trump missionaries to “take back” the Canal, and take back our hearts in the process. 

A Complete Known, the Trump tributepic, is shaping up to be the biggest movie ever that will win all the awards. Rubes who voted for Trump and now complain that they didn’t know what they were getting are reminded of Project 2025, the literal blueprint that laid out what was to come, a complete known, as it were. Features updates to two Dylan songs: “The Times They Are A-Changing … Back,” and “Like a Rolling Stone Age.”

House Republicans introduced a reparations bill that would compensate the descendants of victims of slavery. “For hundreds of years, we have been forced to feel guilty for our ancestors owning slaves. It’s high time we are paid reparations for the suffering we have endured.” 

Previous efforts to compensate the descendants of slave owners included preferential treatment in employment, education, housing, voting rights and not getting lynched

Previous Oscars have very unfairly overlooked the great achievements of the best entertainer of them all, Donald Trump. Herr Trump dazzled America with the highest ratings ever in the Apprentice and went on to save our nation from disabled people and gender. Al Gore’s Oscar for An Inconvenient Truth will be revoked.

RFK Jr’s Health and Human Services brain worm militia has arrested the highly overrated woke singer Dolly Parton for crimes against viruses, stemming from her financial contributions to the development of a COVID vaccine. A Parton pardon is unlikely, as the normal and completely sane President Trump posted on Truth (sic) Social, “I HATE DOLLY PARTON!!!"

The new Taylor Swift documentary, Swiftless, chronicles the shocking 2024 revelation by Buzzfeed News that the iconic singer was entirely created by AI. The film tracks down the “real” Taylor Swift, an 83 year-old grandmother living in a dilapidated apartment in Queens, New York. “Swift,” whose real name is Gertrude Johnson, was never paid more than the original fee of $47 to use her likeness and voice pattern to create the imaginary pop superstar. Johnson, who is Black, was not told that her image would be changed to that of a young White singer. She told the makers of Swiftless that she would never have agreed to marry a football player, if the corporation that owns her image had asked.

Swiftless, which debuts in January on the AOL Instant Messenger Network, is both a raw look at class and power imbalances as well as a poignant tribute to the genius of music industry executives and the young AI developers they employ.

President Trump wasted no time in firing the Board of Directors of the Kennedy Center and installing himself as Cultural Connoisseur in Chief. No longer will the nation be inflicted with lewd and miscegenetic forms of music like rap and jazz. No more dance performances that thrust upon us the corrupting influence of Latin rhythms that lead our young girls astray and put ideas into their heads.

The winning 2025 Season at the Kennedy Center has been announced and it is the very best and biggliest American shows like no one has ever seen. Performances, which are expected to sell out and have crowds like you’ve never seen, include:

• Daughters of the American Revolution Pledge of Allegiance Prayer Pie Contest and Loyalty Oath.

• “We’re All Afrikaners Now!” A celebration of our White African Heritage and support for those afflicted by the wave of anti-Christian and White people racism that has made refugees of the master race. We shall overcome!

• Trumpets for Trump–A musical Presidential Tribute featuring the Von Trump Family Singers.

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